I know I’m 26 but istg the next person who asks me, “When are you gonna start driving? Why aren’t you driving?” I’m gonna straight up tell them I’ll start driving when the urge to purposefully drive off a bridge and end it all goes away
until then uber is great so everyone can kindly fuck off and let me get my mental health in order✌️
yet another reason to hate cars
I’m very grateful to have the friends in my life that I have right now. It used to be I could say I was having a shitty day and I would get, “aw, that sucks, I’m sorry :/. anyway back to my problem – ” but this past week for example when so much was happening to the point where I was like “god I wish I was dead” and spiraling into a depression I haven’t seen the likes of which since 2010 and incoherent from panic y’all came right to me and talked it through, and the ones that didn’t know what to say let me know they were there to listen, and the rest picked me up making me laugh at random things like books about gay dinosaurs and talking poly star trek ships to almost 4am.
Idk I’m tired and sappy at 4am and I’m so thankful to have you all in my life even though none of you live near me. pocket friends are the best. and I’m glad I’ve found the best of the best.
@ bees @ tc fam @ cluster @ pirates @ mutuals I love you
tfw you’re having a panic attack so you take two valium to calm down and end up falling into an accidental depression nap til almost 11pm and now feel even worse than you did earlier 🙃 🙃 🙃
also dreamt I kept trying to kms so there’s that 🙃 🙃 🙃
using tumblr as a diary but
I dissociated for the first time about a month ago in the middle of a store and it was terrifying. It didn’t really happen at con til like that last day and since I’ve been home it’s been happening on an almost daily basis multiple times a day and. God. I told my therapist what happened and she said it’s my brain essentially being like, “This is too much, I’m done, I’m out” which is particularly terrifying. It’s not a great feeling when you’re in the middle of telling a friend something and it suddenly is like you’ve been transported out of your body and you can’t remember words or really comprehend what’s happening around you because everything feels fake and dreamlike suddenly. I feel bad when this happens bc I feel like they might think I’m being selfish and not paying attention to whatever they’re saying but my brain is basically breaking? But I can’t just say that?? I mean I can, they’re wonderful and would get it, but jfc I hate this so much I hate having depression and anxiety and ptsd to the point where it causes horrifying physical symptoms
I feel like I’m headed for a nervous breakdown
Amber 