using tumblr as a diary but

I dissociated for the first time about a month ago in the middle of a store and it was terrifying. It didn’t really happen at con til like that last day and since I’ve been home it’s been happening on an almost daily basis multiple times a day and. God. I told my therapist what happened and she said it’s my brain essentially being like, “This is too much, I’m done, I’m out” which is particularly terrifying. It’s not a great feeling when you’re in the middle of telling a friend something and it suddenly is like you’ve been transported out of your body and you can’t remember words or really comprehend what’s happening around you because everything feels fake and dreamlike suddenly. I feel bad when this happens bc I feel like they might think I’m being selfish and not paying attention to whatever they’re saying but my brain is basically breaking? But I can’t just say that?? I mean I can, they’re wonderful and would get it, but jfc I hate this so much I hate having depression and anxiety and ptsd to the point where it causes horrifying physical symptoms

I feel like I’m headed for a nervous breakdown