gaypeopletwitter:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

rainbowskyrose:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

sometimes breakfast is granola bars, sometimes it’s fresh omelettes w/ goats cheese, and sometimes it’s fruit gushers, welcome to Functioning Adulthood™

Wow. Is this what it’s gonna be like when I become an adult?

if you’re lucky enough to be functional? yes

just-shower-thoughts:

Science has yet to explain why 300 people can be working at a Walmart but only 4 registers will be open.

revolutionarykoolaid:

merriweatherpostpaviliontshirt:

If you’ve ever been a customer fuck you

honestly, that’s fair

broadwaytheanimatedseries:

trashfirefallon:

validcriticism:

trashfirefallon:

validcriticism:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

trashfirefallon:

Airports are fucking weird. Like I’m dressed like it’s ‘95 drinking wine and there’s a dude in a three pieced suit next to me, someone in pajamas, someone who looks like they’re going to the gym after this, and like a million button up shirts.

Update. I’m hammered.

Second update: I’m sober now but very fucking tired and in a different airport.

Additionally: I have no idea where the fuck I am

Important information: I’m fairly sure Douglas Adams was just fucking paged??? What the hell???

Have you checked if you’re alive?

Buddy I haven’t cared about blood pumping through my veins since 1920. You just gotta move on and do your own thing.

So you’re saying there’s a chance you’re tumblring your ‘airport’ adventures from the afterlife? 

im saying it doesnt matter because i have access to the internet

This entire thread is a big ass mood

tandembicycles:

greedtheavariciouslygay:

somecunttookmyurl:

tandembicycles:

somecunttookmyurl:

tandembicycles:

what if we called “flat” soda “flaccid” soda instead

hey, tandem?

I’m out for the evening

ok i’ll wait

Tandem, come home and face the horror you’ve created

no

carbonscales:

As a 90′s kid, it blows my mind that origami youtube videos exist. You can look up any model and watch a pair of manicured hands assemble the thing in real time, in full color, in 3D, with cheerful flute music in the background. When I was little, you had a library book with no words and these esoteric little dotted lines and arrows and it was just you, your hands, your paper, and the cruel, uncaring eyes of God.