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glumshoe:

Last night I dreamt that I ordered a shot glass engraved with the phrase ‘World’s Greatest Detective’ but when it arrived it was actually a chunky black cocoa mug that said ‘World’s Gayest Detective’. Is it fuckor if it’s your own subconscious calling you out?

verity-burns:

“Best out of three.”
“Nope.”
“First to five.”
“Not a chance.”
“I am not going out like this.”
“I don’t know what the problem is – you look fine. Very… cuddly.”
“You’re not funny.”
”Adorable, even.”
“I may vomit.”
“Look on the bright side – at least the deal wasn’t trousers.”
“Ha! You’d never get into my trousers.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“John!”
“I can see you smiling.”
“One more game… winner takes all.”
“All?”
“Every stitch.”
“Oh, you are on.”
“I thought I might be.”
“But this time…”
“This time?”
“…you can’t be Miss Scarlett.”