awake!jake
→ I must say, this is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues. They were not, as the kids say, awake. Do you mean woke? I did mean woke. But it’s grammatically incoherent.
Tag: q
Adult things arent NEARLY as complex as I thought they were growing up I just walked into bank of america and said im here to open a checking account and they said ok and opened me a checking account
If you have anxiety about being an adult, it may help to think of adult things as basically just doing a lot of quests.
Me: [googles “where do i get a passport”]
Me: [goes to that building]
Me: [asks first person I encounter] Where do I get a passport?
Them: Third floor, room twelve.
Me: [goes to that room]
Me: [asks first person I encounter] Where do I get a passport?
Them: That desk over there.
Me: [goes to that desk]
Me: Where do I get a passport?
Them: Fill out this form.
Me: [thinking] Silver key opens the garden gate, in the garden is the red key, which opens the red door, there’s a boy in the red house who tells you his dog is trapped in the old abandoned barn and can I please rescue him…being an adult is a serious of fetch quests and waiting in lines
When your hair is wavy/curly sometimes there is a fine line between “messy romantic waves” and “evil witch who lives in the woods.”
When your hair is fine and straight there’s a fine line between “sleek and elegant” and “weasel dipped in grease”
When you’re hair is thick there’s a fine line between “gorgeous vibrant bounce” and “holy fuck it’s Hagrid”
Fun Fact:
The piano played by Paul McCartney in the song ‘Hey Jude’ (The Beatles) is the same piano Freddie Mercury played in the song ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ (Queen)
so some of yall know i work in a bar as barback/kitchen employee as a night gig.
anyways we had a harry potter trivia event tonight and some of these team names are fuckin hogwild levels of funny. like.
we have one team that was just straight up “team edward”, who, halfway through the event, changed their name to “team jacob”
There was Wingaydium Lesbiosa, which, u kno, #mood
At least 4 different quidditch teams (puddlemere united, holyhead harpies, etc), which wouldn’t wouldn’t have been funny on its own but literally every runner up (2nd and 3rd tied, total of four teams) was a quidditch team
and of course, the actual winner of best team name, hilariously appropo considering Canada’s recent weed law changes:
Ten Joints To Gryffindor
Oh, I get it. You mean like when someone drinks too much, or snorts cocaine, or bets the house on the ponies? Or like when someone smokes too many cigarettes? Or like when someone shops too much with credit cards? Or like when someone plays too many scratchy lotteries? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake and then barfs it up?
Executive Producer: Dick Wolf.
Amber 