theradiointukyshead:

a kickstarter for Cards Against Humanity – John Mulaney extension pack

Black Cards:

• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ___.
• I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I am ___.
• I’ll keep ___ right here and then one day I’ll die.
• Buy ___. Engraved, question mark?
• There’s ___ loose in a hospital.
• This is ___. Could be a nursery.
• I gave you ___ and you gave me ___ and then we called it a day.
• Because we’re ___ and life is a fucking nightmare.
• My wife is ___ and I like her so much.
• I’m very gay. I’d like ___.
• The bread of God is ___. He will bring us ___.
• Is it ___ or is it ___? That’s up to ye.
• College is just ___ and they’re like, “Partial credit,” and that’s like the whole thing.
• ___ might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.

White Cards:

• A sea of drunken toddlers
• 7 What’s New Pussycats followed by 1 It’s Not Unusual
• A hundred year-old blind dog who’s texting and driving while drinking a smoothie
• A 28-year-old healthy man trying his best
• One black coffee
• Playing violent video games and catfishing pedophiles
• [sustained groaning] yknow, life?
• STREET SMARTS!
• The moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
• One word at a time with verbal abuse
• Snorting cocaine the night before college graduation
• A hundred and twenty thousand (120,000) dollars
• Being so horny and angry all the time and having no outlet for it
• A tall child
• A high-waisted man with feminine hips
• Delta Airlines
• Anyone who has seen my dick and met my parents
• Going down on some rocking twink
• An on fire garbage can
• Doing white people stuff in Connecticut
• One pre-Y2K asshole
• Our nation’s No Snitchin’ policy
• Such 19-year-old horseshit
• Throwing pedophiles off their rhythms
• Probably HPV. Probably.