Tag: ~ just panic disorder things ~

I’ve been fine and happy and like. dancing around and singing real loud kind of mood all week because I’ve been home alone without the stress of family, and now that they’re coming home tomorrow i think it says a lot about them that my brain is like GO INTO PANIC MODE NOW like. chest pain. anxiety. panic. hyperventilating. intrusive thoughts of like “just go kill yourself right now and make things easier on everyone” and i hate this i hate it so much i hate my brain i don’t want this i don’t want to be here i would rather be anywhere else in the world rn

whereeeeeeee is alcohol when i need it god

you know that vine that’s like “my resting heart rate registers as a panic attack”? That is the BIG MOOD rn, I went to go for a walk earlier and before I even stepped outside my heart rate was 130! And just walking at an average pace for 15 mins had it shoot up past 160 with chest pain and feeling faint and that is Not Normal. I have no reason to be anxious, it’s just a ~wonderful~ thing that comes with panic disorder. Surprise anxiety!

anyway this has been happening for a few weeks so I finally gave in and took one of my valiums and I feel soooooo relaxed right now. My god. Like I could do anything without fear rn. Is this what normal feels like?? I want normal