Tag: John Mulaney

theradiointukyshead:

a kickstarter for Cards Against Humanity – John Mulaney extension pack

Black Cards:

  • Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ___.
  • I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I am ___.
  • I’ll keep ___ right here and then one day I’ll die.
  • Buy ___. Engraved, question mark?
  • There’s ___ loose in a hospital.
  • This is ___. Could be a nursery.
  • I gave you ___ and you gave me ___ and then we called it a day.
  • Because we’re ___ and life is a fucking nightmare.
  • My wife is ___ and I like her so much.
  • I’m very gay. I’d like ___.
  • The bread of God is ___. He will bring us ___.
  • Is it ___ or is it ___? That’s up to ye.
  • College is just ___ and they’re like, “Partial credit,” and that’s like the whole thing.
  • ___ might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.

White Cards:

  • A sea of drunken toddlers
  • 7 What’s New Pussycats followed by 1 It’s Not Unusual
  • A hundred year-old blind dog who’s texting and driving while drinking a smoothie
  • A 28-year-old healthy man trying his best
  • One black coffee
  • Playing violent video games and catfishing pedophiles
  • [sustained groaning] yknow, life?
  • STREET SMARTS!
  • The moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
  • One word at a time with verbal abuse
  • Snorting cocaine the night before college graduation
  • A hundred and twenty thousand (120,000) dollars
  • Being so horny and angry all the time and having no outlet for it
  • A tall child
  • A high-waisted man with feminine hips
  • Delta Airlines
  • Anyone who has seen my dick and met my parents
  • Going down on some rocking twink
  • An on fire garbage can
  • Doing white people stuff in Connecticut
  • One pre-Y2K asshole
  • Our nation’s No Snitchin’ policy
  • Such 19-year-old horseshit
  • Throwing pedophiles off their rhythms
  • Probably HPV. Probably.

dumbkiwi:

batmanisagatewaydrug:

northisnotup:

itsafckingsnickersbar:

johnmulaneys:

Nick Kroll & John Mulaney’s Success Hasn’t Gone To Their Heads – CONAN (26.02.2018)

This is the first time I’ve seen John Mulaney in anything other than a suit and my brain is having trouble processing it

He dresses like he wants Tan from Queer Eye to be proud of him tbh

he’s dressed like the rockin twink he would have been going down on 

please take a moment to appreciate the whole setup of this interview. there is so much RAW energy here i don’t even know what kind

husband:

Oh, I get it. You mean like when someone drinks too much, or snorts cocaine, or bets the house on the ponies? Or like when someone smokes too many cigarettes? Or like when someone shops too much with credit cards? Or like when someone plays too many scratchy lotteries? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake and then barfs it up?

Executive Producer: Dick Wolf.