theradiointukyshead:

a kickstarter for Cards Against Humanity – John Mulaney extension pack

Black Cards:

  • Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ___.
  • I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I am ___.
  • I’ll keep ___ right here and then one day I’ll die.
  • Buy ___. Engraved, question mark?
  • There’s ___ loose in a hospital.
  • This is ___. Could be a nursery.
  • I gave you ___ and you gave me ___ and then we called it a day.
  • Because we’re ___ and life is a fucking nightmare.
  • My wife is ___ and I like her so much.
  • I’m very gay. I’d like ___.
  • The bread of God is ___. He will bring us ___.
  • Is it ___ or is it ___? That’s up to ye.
  • College is just ___ and they’re like, “Partial credit,” and that’s like the whole thing.
  • ___ might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.

White Cards:

  • A sea of drunken toddlers
  • 7 What’s New Pussycats followed by 1 It’s Not Unusual
  • A hundred year-old blind dog who’s texting and driving while drinking a smoothie
  • A 28-year-old healthy man trying his best
  • One black coffee
  • Playing violent video games and catfishing pedophiles
  • [sustained groaning] yknow, life?
  • STREET SMARTS!
  • The moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
  • One word at a time with verbal abuse
  • Snorting cocaine the night before college graduation
  • A hundred and twenty thousand (120,000) dollars
  • Being so horny and angry all the time and having no outlet for it
  • A tall child
  • A high-waisted man with feminine hips
  • Delta Airlines
  • Anyone who has seen my dick and met my parents
  • Going down on some rocking twink
  • An on fire garbage can
  • Doing white people stuff in Connecticut
  • One pre-Y2K asshole
  • Our nation’s No Snitchin’ policy
  • Such 19-year-old horseshit
  • Throwing pedophiles off their rhythms
  • Probably HPV. Probably.