y’all I went to the local theme park with my sister in law and brother and niece for Halloween right? We were talking about Atlanta and my friends and stuff on our way back and she parked and was like, “(niece) is asleep. So let me ask you something. Are you gay?”

and I swear to god kill bill sirens started playing in my head!!! Anyway I was like, “No, I’m not gay.” because technically that’s not a lie being bisexual??? And she was saying that my other brother (not with us) had started it 2 years ago when a friend came up to visit me and E V E R Y O N E was talking about me. like. holy shit?? Apparently other brother kept saying “Well what if she’s GAY?” and sister in law was like “So what if she is? That doesn’t change anything, we’ll still love her.” and went on to say that she was tired of everyone asking “is she or isn’t she” bc the last person she knew I had a crush on is a friend of mine and that crush was 12 years ago when I was 14 (like obviously doesn’t know about my current crush/es) and I had been hanging around “these people” (my 221b bees????????? if I ever hear someone refer to my friends like that again I swear to fucking god) and she was tired of the the rumors and the TEARS?! whomst in the fuck. who was CRYING. probably mom. so she wanted to ask me straight up.

anyway uhhhhhhhh since I said no my brother made a joke like “when you go inside just be like, don’t worry, the straight girl is home!!” and that made me really uncomfortable. Idk. I’m half like wtf and half upset? because this has been really eating me up inside esp after going to Atlanta pride and feeling so much love and support to knowing there was someone crying about the ~possibility~ of me being gay and my other brother is super maga type gross person and that rumors have been floating around my family for 2 years about me. I kind of want to die right now. like I wish I was dead. straight up want to be dead instead of feeling this intense fear or upsetness or whatever the fuck. Idk what I’m feeling right now but it isn’t great.

anyway I have alcohol so guess who’s drinking again tonight, like last night was just for fun. tonight. not so much.

i hate everything